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Month: December, 2012

all i want for christmas …

all i want for christmas ….


Did God die last week?

Rhetorical query of today:  Is there any chance that God is gone?  Did He exit before 9/11/01? Did it happen last week? Or sometime in-between? Or…is He just up there letting free-will do its thing in horriffic ways?

What really happened this past Friday morn in Newtown, CT is beyond my comprehension, as a father of 4…2 of which are the age or so of the 20 kids & souls lost this week.

God seems to be absent yet again. Is He angry at America? The world? Those who love the most innocent around us?  Or, like the 2nd amendment of our Constitution, does unadulterated freedom and/or free-will come with inevitable tragedy too?  From huge towers of NYC, to a movie theater in CO, to malls and schools all over America & the world…where is the One who can smite at-will?  I’m as confused as ever.

Very fitting that today is a gloomy, rainy Sunday. One that I found myself weeping yet again on my morning walk and later watching, of all things, a very appropriate and dignified opening to the NFL pregame show on ESPN.  Reminding fans about 20 innocent children, ages 6 or 7. And 6 adults who were murdered too. I know no one in CT and I am still aching in waves. I have no clue how one feels in Newtown, CT. No clue.

Is God still around? Did He ache about this? Did He allow this as another “lesson” for us?  Again, I have no clue. I’m just sad and confused…and very grateful for our 4 beautiful and brilliant kids of 20, 19, 8, & 6.

Tell a child how smart and loved he or she is today.  Hug a loved child of yours today. Protect a child from real-life horror stories today.  Ask God for a little inspiration, a little hope, just a little clue into what we should do moving forward….assuming that He is still there and ready to help. 

But, we all know what happens when we assume, now more than ever.

May God Bless you & yours this remaining Season of Christmas 2012 & beyond….

Please, God, give us all a clue and blessings to all who ache this Season. Please.

Dreams seem pretty real to me…

Just a dream, I keep telling myself. Or was it?  So rhetorical.

Dad & I were in some living room just chatting about memories, comparing notes about Maui, Scottsdale, and family trips with our kids and those many family beach weeks over four decades. Dad was all smiles and offered great detail about fun times that were void of work and the mundane.  That’s about it for what I recall. Almost…

I woke up pretty abruptly last night in tears. Yes, this middle-age guy woke up crying. Pillow was damp.  What the hell?  Yes, Dad is dying a slow, miserable death. Weaker everyday, it seems. I get it. Or, do I? 

Our bodies send us mental signals all day and maybe even at night.  Maybe God is telling me something. Maybe I’m being challenged to be a better Dad than I know. Maybe I’m making all of this up.  Maybe not.

What is certain is that Gin & I have 4 brilliant kids, two grown girls and two little dudes, and thier genetics are set. It’s only my love, behavior, and counsel left to help all four along thier respective journeys. I hope none of them awake in tears, due to my journey, memories, or counsel, nor anyone else’s.

On second thought, maybe those were tears of joy for the good to great times Dad & I did enjoy. Maybe.  We’ll see what tonight brings.

Sweet dreams to you this Season.

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